I get up in the morning.  I look at my calendar.  I have an appointment at 2 PM.  So what do I do?

I unconsciously slip into a state of “waiting”.  Thinking about what’s ahead.  Am I prepared?  Are all the ducks in a row?  Looking at my navigation app to make sure I know where I need to be in six hours.  In my head I calculate how much time this appointment requires. Anticipation sits like a heavy cloak on my shoulders.  “Gotta jump through that 2 PM hoop then I can move on to….”

To what?? To waiting for the NEXT commitment? To living five steps ahead of where I actually am?  It hits me:  this isn’t living, this is looking at life as a series of obligations to fulfill, events to check off a list, activities that are gateways to …. my real life?  This isn’t living; this is limbo.  A constant state of wandering in the future feeling disconnected and anxious.

The solution?  See what’s in front of me.  Bring my attention to this minute and then the next and then the next; after all I have 360 of them before 2 PM.

No longer in the waiting room, I am active, I am energized, I feel grounded.  Yes, THIS is living.

by Kathy Babula

I’m sitting with my guru in a “meditation + chat” session.  The conversation turns to my constant struggle with “what do I do next?”

“How do you feel when you THINK about doing something?” asks Guru.

“Anxious.”

“How do you feel when you are actually DOING it?”

“Relaxed.”

BINGO!  Light bulb ON!  In that short exchange, the heavens open and I discover clarity of mind.

All too often, the anticipation of “what I could be doing” starts feeling like STRESS.  (“Well, I could work on that project/ learn a new skill/ clean out the garage/ have that conversation with so-and-so.  But what if it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to?  What if I have to work harder/ make more decisions/ admit defeat?  Maybe it’s better if I just sit here….“)

Then along come the SHOULDS.  (“I should be able to go ahead and do XYZ instead of sitting here wasting time.  I should be able to make a choice and get on with it.   I shouldn’t feel so stuck; after all, this isn’t rocket science.”)

Anxiety about the outcome, anxiety about the future, attachment to predicting the unknown, “analysis is paralysis.”   Where’s the fun in that?

The minute I recognize my procrastination as fear and I decide to “take things lightly,” I move ahead and DO something with the notion that I will “see what happens.”  I experience a feeling of adventure, a camaraderie with the anxiety that was keeping me glued to my seat with inaction.  I feel at ease because I am engaged in the present “doing“ no matter how it turns out.

Let’s face it.  DOING is much more relaxing than THINKING ABOUT DOING.  DOING is confidence in myself and everything that unfolds as a result of my action. So, go ahead:  JUST DO IT and see what happens!

After the beautiful chaos of the holidays, the bright and shiny New Year’s celebration (including all its expectations) and the recent unexpected frigid temperatures, I find myself in February, confronting some Winter Blues.  But, as “they” say, “it’s all curriculum” and is turning into nuggets of wisdom that remind me how to take care of myself in this month of love!

#1.  “This too shall pass.” This maxim has stood the test of time and while it can be classified as mighty corny, it’s true. If I have the patience to accept, let go and keep going, everything unfolds and shades of melancholy shift into satisfaction.  Works every time.

#2.  “Where am I?”  A good question to ask myself when I feel stressed.  Am I in the past, ruminating about a (stupid) thing I said or did or something someone else said or did? Am I in the future, making endless and overwhelming lists or attempting to control the outcome of a situation?   If so, my emotions will run the gamut from depression to anxiety with a side of doom ‘n gloom thrown in.  It is only when I am in the present that I have any chance of peace.

#3.  “All rise.  The Honorable Judge _____ (fill in your name) presiding.”  If only I had a nickel for every time I judged another person, a situation or myself…… bet you know what I mean!  The moment I am aware of my resistance and the judgmental thoughts that are attached, I can laugh at myself and start to let go of the ensuing tightness I feel in my body.

#4.  “Notice the Inner Eeyore”.  OK, this could just apply to me, but Sad Sack mode is often my default setting.  While yours might be Anxious Andy or Fearful Florence, the solution is always in the noticing of it.  When the spiral takes a downward spin, the sooner I am aware of it (“Whoa, here we go, Eeyore!”), the less power it holds.  What I love is that I don’t have to put energy into fixing anything, all I have to do is notice.  No heavy lifting required!

So, in this traditional Month of Love, while you’re buying Valentines and sweets for those you appreciate, acknowledge the person who stares back at you in the mirror every day. After all, the most powerful love of all is Love of Self.

    –Kathy Babula

As the weather gets cooler, my mind tends to race ahead to all the obligatory holiday expectations that are just around the corner.  Then I tell myself, “I am committed to a mindfulness meditation practice.  Don’t go there, stay here to reduce stress!”  That is all well and good, but sometimes I need a swift kick in the pants to remind myself!  Browsing through all the notes I have taken over ten years of “consultation” with my guru, here are some phrases that help me let go of expectations, relax and enjoy what is happening NOW!

1. “Charity begins at home. Practice focus with dedication and devotion to self.” (This is my #1 life-saving mantra.  When I take care of me, I have more patience and energy for others.)
2. “The longer you breathe, the longer you live.” (This one always gives me a good chuckle and is simple, but true.  When stressed, breathe deeply!)
3. “Be mindful when looking for appreciation.” (Oh, right, that expectation thing!  Cook the turkey to cook the turkey, not because I am seeking praise and the title “Top Chef.”)
4. “Be attached to the effort, not the outcome.” (Get that turkey ready to the best of my ability and then….fuhgeddaboudit!!!)
5. “Work today for tomorrow, but don’t be IN tomorrow.” (Another version of #4. Trust me, I need as many versions of this one as I can get.)
6. “Sit outside of the pool.” (Caught in the holiday rush at the mall?  Houseguests and/or relatives bickering?  Observe the craziness instead of engaging in it or, at the very least and without judgment, observe myself participating!)
7. “Self-restraint is a strength.” (When the family get-together becomes a bit tense, I don’t have to fix everything for everyone like I used to.  This is called “freedom”!)
8. “Just see what happens.” (Simply by practicing awareness, things have a funny way of working out without my attempts to manipulate a solution.  That means less stress for me!)

So, go ahead, grab a phrase or two!  Tape ’em to your bathroom mirror, stick ’em on your steering wheel, place ’em in your meditation space or just memorize them and enjoy the awareness that a few “kick in the pants” holiday stress-busters might provide. ‘Tis always the season for a mindfulness meditation practice!

 –Kathy Babula

My Experience with Meditation for Self-Discovery

For many years, I was happy to meditate the way I had been taught:  deep breathing followed by fifteen minutes of letting my thoughts come and go, morning and evening. (Note:  Sometimes I skipped because life happened and sometimes I skipped quite deliberately; just want to make sure you know I am human!) I became a calmer mom, wife and employee.  I noticed more self-compassion.  Those “annoying” people in my life seemed to improve their attitudes!  I understood the joy of being content.  However, after a while, I felt my satisfaction slipping away.  Anxiety over “my purpose,” days of preferring to be a hermit followed by days of loneliness, inability to meditate consistently, feeling either uber-fidgety or low and depressed while hating myself for it….

What was wrong with me?  I questioned spirituality itself.  Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this stuff?  Maybe the mindfulness ride was over?  Perhaps I was just destined to live out life with a slightly melancholy mindset.  Blame it on my DNA and, you know, you can’t beat Mother Nature.

Then my guru told me about meditating with INTENTION.  My internal cynic said, “Yeah, sure…. sounds like a gimmick to me.” Meditation with intention, meditation for self-discovery.  He instructed me to do the usual deep breathing but, as I slipped into the minutes of meditation, I was to set a deliberate intention by asking a specific question that needed an answer.  Eventually I landed on this:   “What is getting in the way of my spirituality?”  (“No expectation; let’s see what happens…”) So, as instructed, I meditated with intention…. once, twice…..and by the end of that second sitting I had three clear, real answers that had popped into my consciousness.  I was simply astonished.  In a short intentional space of time I discovered that my spirituality was compromised by (1) often worrying about results, (2) spending too much time on digital distractions (Facebook, news on the iPhone) and (3) lack of faith in the answers I have inside. Specific answers, to the point!

Learning about myself has been one of the greatest joys of my mindfulness journey.  Having this simple tool of meditating with intention gives me yet another avenue for self-discovery.  With awareness of what was getting in the way of my spirituality, I am finding even more contentment and gratitude in every day of my life. “Doing is believing!”

    –Kathy Babula